I was going to write a motivational piece this morning, describing my own motivation.
I received news that a close friend had attempted suicide, but survived. Good. However, this didn't leave my mind all day, and I lost my enthusiasm. I couldn't do any of my work.
I thought about how sharp death can be. How suddenly you might receive news of someone's death while going about your daily life, someone you never expected. People die. They die suddenly too.
I couldn't finish the piece, I gave up. I tried to work on a project they gave me when I applied for a Java internship. I couldn't focus properly. I couldn't concentrate. The man had gotten into such a state of mind... He wanted to destroy himself. I shuddered.
I spent my time completely idle to distract myself a bit, but in the evening I wanted to walk around Bakırköy a little. I saw a man who was constantly moving and screaming in agony as if he were being torn apart by a lion. I walked past on the opposite sidewalk, but still...
There's also a man like this in Işıklar. He wanders around there. Gangrene has taken hold of his legs, they're completely swollen, he walks around hunched over. He shouts in a hoarse voice, "May God punish those who see my condition and don't give!" We do see your condition... I know for sure you'll buy alcohol, brother. Because you're addicted. And also... Are you the only one in need? The streets are actually full of corpses, but we ignore them.
People are rotting. Some from the inside, some from the outside. Today, I realized that I could suddenly receive news of someone's death. My grandmother had passed away just like that too. When my mother took the breakfast tray to her room, we looked and saw that... Anyway... One must realize that people don't live forever.